The Account of a Lifetime

September 11, 2009

A Dazzling End

Filed under: Cogitations,Reflections,Visions of the future — xisor @ 5:15 pm

Linger. The single word-focus felt at the death of the Umbra in Xenology. It’s a potent word. It emphasises what I feel I have done for a long time. I have lingered.

Over this weekend I shall leave my last proper abode in St Andrews, probably for the ultimate time. It is unlikely I’ll ever live in this town again. It’ll be the first time in over five years where I’ll have almost no overarching reason to come back to this place. I’ll be gone.

This summer I’ve been somewhat a spectre, a ghoul or a ghost. I graduated and it is now time to leave. First I’ll become insubstantial, then I’ll fade. Echoes will linger, old jokes will be retold and maybe the odd word will kindle a faint memory, but soon then even that will pass and I shall be gone.

Like everyone else. It’s been five years since starting here. In seven days it’ll be precisely five years. Those that I started with? They’re all gone. My friends of first year, the ‘Regs Fighting Mongooses’, my academic family…they’ve already been gone for a long time. I have lingered longer than most, longer than even I had expected.

You cant see it, but my outfit was...baroque.

You can't see it, but my outfit was...baroque.

The friends I have now, thosewho persist…they’re new. They’re young. When I’m gone, they’ll still be here for a time. It is reassuring to think that I shall leave a part of myself behind with them. They know me for incessant (and awful) jokes and puns, for a aged melancholy unlike what most others here exude. For pedantry. It is perhaps not the legacy I’d have chosen, but I hope there is an udnercurrent to it, an aspect of hope and optimism.

A reunion of Regs Fighting Mongooses

A reunion of Regs Fighting Mongooses

We shall see. For now, I’ll turn back to a cup of tea and consider the dispersal of the last five years. I have friends and family across many continents now, I know a few dense clusters of people I feel quite at home with, I have some intense friendships and some places I can call home for a time. But for now, for the foreseeable future I am bound to become itinerant. Everything is about to change, I shall be casting myself adrift.

I highly expect everything will remain the same.

In Other News

In other news I pledged to start writing a little Fanfic called “Cascade” set on N’Dras. I’ve been doing a bit of preparatory reading and research on the topic, practicing a few passages here and there and generally ‘thinking it out’. As I’ll be mobile and without responsibility for the immediate future, I hope that my mind shall furnish me with the ability to actually see this through. Once I’ve got a bit of work on that, I can return my eyes to the Demiurg, to Roy’s “Distant Darkness” project and perhaps even to getting myself to the otherside of the planet (1 airmile, how hard can this be!?).

Actual Other News

Anyhow, time to be moving. I hope not to keep this as a diary. For real other news, smile (or be outraged) by this:

I was happy to have signed up for it. The apology seems a bit more war-centric than was desired (well, by me), but I always felt it was a bit silly to force apologies to be what you want them to be. If ’tis what Gordon Brown and his staff think, then that’s excellent enough for me.


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